Childfree' differs from childless— “Childlessness” is when an individual or couple desires to have children, but cannot, usually for medical reasons. “Childfree” is when an individual or couple, for various reasons, chooses not to have children.

The term childfree has gained popularity in recent years and has spawned many discussions in media and online spaces. Where a childfree life is applauded in some Western societies, the word and lifestyle is not as commonly accepted in certain African societies— most especially in Nigeria. 

Do individuals and couples have the social agency to be childfree in this most populous African nation? For the women who are courageous enough to pursue this modern course, what responses have they received from society? The following accounts are the experiences of different Nigerian women— from talk shows, interviews and online forums— on their decisions to live a childfree life. 

The significance of the name

A Nigerian woman will encounter many hurdles should she choose a childfree life. One reason is because of the immense emphasis Nigerians place on names. “In our traditional societies and the rural areas, there is pressure for men and their wives to make sure that the family name is passed on,” says Sandra Ezekwesili, journalist and radio presenter with 99.3 Nigeria Info FM.

In her weekly show The Glass Ceiling she added, “This name thing is a big part because it stems from the fact that you must have your biological child.

”To highlight the importance of one’s biological child, Ezekwesili reveals, “Grandparents or uncles will tell you that it is a bad thing for a man’s wealth to be collected by strangers, so people sneak into baby factories so that they can pass on the child from the baby factory as their biological child.” The radio presenter confirms, “men are raised to expect that they will pass on their name.” By that standard, such a notion would negatively impact a couple that chooses to be childfree. 

A woman's position in her home.

Another obstacle a childfree life would bring on a woman is the uncertainty of her position in her matrimonial home. “When a woman has a child, it secures her position in her matrimonial home. So before having a child, there is a risk of a woman being kicked out by her husband or his relatives” says Ezekwesili.

In an interview with BBC Africa’s Bola Mosuro, market-goers in Abuja, Nigeria voice their views on the subject Is being childless a taboo in Africa? One female respondent who will be called Woman A due to her name being undisclosed said, “It’s an African thing; if you don’t have a child you are not complete. That is evidence of womanhood for them.” 

Such statements show that in Nigeria and many other parts of Africa, having a child is a symbol of womanhood and completeness. The African stance is that a woman’s purpose in marriage is to produce children for her husband and not doing so puts her position at stake.

The importance of a male child.

Yet, in Nigeria, a woman does not only have to bear children. There is a long-established tradition for married couples to produce male children, specifically. The two main reasons are that families want to ensure that the man’s blood relative inherits his property when he dies, and secondly, his name does not die.

Archie, who participated on The Glass Ceiling through a telephone call stated, “if madam does not have a male child, her say in her husband’s house is limited, her say in her husband’s inheritance is limited. Wealth has a very big part to play.”

Regarding this matter, Woman A commented, “in fact, if you have girls and you don’t have a boy, you are still not a complete woman so in that situation they see it as somebody who can carry on their name, who can take over the family inheritance.”

Women face immense pressure in Nigeria as their womanhood is defined by both their reproductivity and gender of their children. How did this notion come about? And why do African societies determine a woman’s success by the fruits of her womb?

Tradition, Religion and Social Constructs 

A female respondent on telephone whose name was unidentified on The Glass Ceiling claimed, “the tradition of ‘I want to see an extension of myself’— it’s more of a traditional construct.” 

There could be some truth in this. The decision to have children could be a social construct— a life milestone created by the society that every woman needs to strive to excel in.

Ezekwesili said, “a couple get married, we are happy for them, but what do we all say comes next? Children. Even at the wedding, people are already wishing many happy children. As a society, we see having children as an accomplishment... having children is not just an accomplishment, it is a milestone and everybody is expected to cross it.” 

Having children is arguably a social construct that all married couples are expected to attain from the moment they say “I do.”Religious views put further pressure on women. Ezekwesili adds, “People see children as a sign of God’s blessings. Having children is seen as God’s will... When a couple has children, their family members celebrate, their parents have become grandparents and this is also an accomplishment for them.” 

The Pride and Joy of grandchildren 

The radio presenter went on to say:

"A woman’s mother might say, ‘all my friends have gone to omugwo. When will I come for my own?’ 

Omugwo is the Igbo term for the traditional custom of postpartum care, in which the mother, mother in law or close female relative is appointed to host and take care of the new mother and baby. 

“People count their grandchildren in the same way they count their children’s degrees and their children’s certificates. A lot of young people who have not yet got married or who are married but who are not yet ready to have children are saying that the expectation from their parents is too much. I've heard young women tell me that when they see incoming calls from their mothers, they are afraid of the conversation they are about to have. They are afraid that the talk will reach the subject of marriage and children and yet again, they would be made to feel that they are disappointing their parents.” Sadly, many young women feel pressure to have children in order to satisfy their parents. 

Woman B, one of the market-goers in Abuja whose name was also undisclosed in the interview Is being childless a taboo in Africa? responded, “In Nigeria and Africa in general, children matter a lot to families. When it comes to couples that don’t have children, they face a lot of stigmatisation from families, friends who look down on them simply because they don’t have a child.”

The in-laws will interrogate the wife asking her why she hasn’t yet given birth. They may even throw insults at her and label her barren. It is often the woman who gets the blame and faces the consequences.”

The Community's Response

What about the wider society? Woman B revealed, “Depending on the environment where they live, they cannot easily correct other people’s children. Once they do that, they will say “go and have your own so that you correct, leave my child alone.”  

In an online discussion encouraging childfree women to speak out, the women preferred to have their identity concealed due to the sensitive nature of the topic. One participant related, “Folks have been praying for us and suggesting one man of God to another, one doctor to another,” says Ms B… “We are working on leaving Nigeria soon so we can have some peace.”.

Ms. E relates, saying, “when I tell my friends I'm childfree they look at me like I'm a monster. I told my parents when I was 25 I'd never have kids and they stopped speaking to me for a year. It has affected my relationships in so many ways. A lot of men want kids so whenever I mention I'm childfree, it’s bye-bye.”

Ms. F joined, saying, “people always say ‘God forbid’ like it’s a crime or an abomination.”

 The responses from these women speak volumes about society’s negative responses to childfree women. Choosing a childfree life in Nigeria, whether as a single or a married woman, creates more social and cultural obstacles for one to overcome. Whether a woman has a child or not, she should be valued for her individual qualities, skills, and talents.What would the world be like if other facets of womanhood were celebrated?