HEARTBREAK IS AN ADDICTION.

When I Start Now,

they will say she has come again.

My Dear, Lovestruck, demanding highs and lows,

sis and bro, no gain. 

Let me share my journey of how I got addicted,

pity me if you want. 

I am my own treatment, therapy is always shifted. 

It started from when I had no reason

to give my name a nick to the point 

where my real names became itself the nick.

Dear O, why did you follow me around 

the classes of Art to Commercial then to Science

just so you could get my attention? 

Then you bought and brought me friends

that could care and stayed my school son. 

Staying in oblivion, you tendered my mind to detention. 
Rumors started flying, she wouldn’t do her classmates, 

Have you forgotten she is the youngest in the final class?, 

Older guys cuts not her attraction.

I worry about how to keep the grades up 

and they see something else because I smile always,

She is always fixation.

Sending letters,gifts,getting close

to even those you hate, love, detest.

You want me. Yes, you want me.

We were young, why now?

Your silence I never listened to at

That time said you could wait for me.

After all, you sent many letters 

Through my sister, your phone

number in those papers each time

I wash it down the gutter.

I am still sharing how I got ADDICTED.

Seminar of fate, you met me at my lowest, 

your senior is now in your level.

We are about to sit together for J.A.M.B.

Quietly, still with my smiles, 

exchanged numbers with you.

I still didn’t know why we came together

but I decided to climb.

The pace, the steadiness, 

the way you could not keep calm or 

should I say keep your cool?

like will you never get another chance? Calm down.

She is still in front of you stretching forth her phone,

Few moments memories squeezing 

off my chest yet I keep up the smile.

We would call day, night, mid.

 Text how we felt, time has passed 

and I now started getting secure.

Agh, let me not forget, my mom

Wanted to protect me, so she sent an invite.

You came, left your goons but with a tiny conviction, 

you sat with her on the dining and I behind the door.

She warned me to stay friends, let the future seep in

But you were such a candy, adamant.

 How do I not let you fit in?

It was war with my mother, 

her fifteen year old daughter grew before 

her eyes to a young woman in love. How can she keep mute?

All I could see was you, never gave

as much affection as you did but I loved you for you.

Many circumstances said to me NO, run away.

It said the same to you like we shared the same ears

But we stuck, kissed,fingered

Then we had many years

These years didn’t just go by without 

our break ups from me

And make ups from you,

Our souls were intertwined 

You keep coming back and I keep waiting sad

Oh! This is not about our love life, I forgot

It’s how to HEARTBREAK I got ADDICTED.

Read the texts on your phone to your cousin, your girlfriends

How you wished you had her back

I realized you just proposed 

because you thought that was what I wanted.

I mean, I did with no Basic rushed

COVID got me spending 21 days 

with your mama and papa

Our love was tested 

There, you lost it, the same me from the beginning 

Started making you feel uneasy 

No wrongs or right, I still waited

But the more I did, you disappointed.

It was not up to two months, you had a new gf

And for her, what you have always promised 

me if you had the “dough”, to her you did and cared.

Oh, I skipped the part of who took our virginities,

That memory got paused or maybe seized.

In the bus, at the side of the driver, I wept bitterly.

I knew it was the end not only literally.

I almost died, everyday I cried, I wanted the pain to end

There was no opening to pour the “dettol”

Or is it the hydrogen?, spirit, clean it, 

bear it once and make the healing process start, 

i took a detour.

‘Cause on me, the end kept taking a toll,

I stayed a fool.

Now, I see why my classmates 

and I knew I was always in fixation.

It’s still how it is an ADDICTION I am starting to share.

Blind dates, online meets, 

Ego reduction, plan cancellation,

I choose all of these to avoid the nauseation, 

fixation, dissatisfaction about our end.

I was loosing it, I met couple of them.

Mr K, Mr S, writing this I am realizing

I have to think for long to even remember

another Mr S that would not have worked but I stayed

Because the singles Mr A, Mr B,

Mr A.Y., Mr T and Mr S, 

Goodness!!!there are lot of S’s. 

Oh! My Daze!!!

One call, 

one drink, 

one night, 

one day, 

one kiss,

one shower, 

one cuddle,

one week,

not even one year, 

not even six months 

Nothing truly lasted, from the beginning 

I always figured 

But my dear friends I ignored,

I thought to give benefits of doubt.

But my dear friends I ignored,I thought to give benefits of doubt.Gosh, I am helpless. I am always thinking, is he here? Could I meet him here?

So I do not keep to my head and mind’s shout.

I choose only one day to cry and the next day I fly.

Because the heart seems to get used to it and still open a way for another hit hoping for a miss.

The pen is dropping 

Heartbreak Is An Addiction