"I identify most with the term creator or creative, for sure", Bri Hall opens as we ask her how she defines her craft. Noted chiefly by her fabulous 'fro, many OG fans will remember her as Smartista Beauty on YouTube, with her 2018 Eco Styler exposé being the video that launched a thousand boycotts. Beyond the natural hair scene, you can either catch her delving into different cosplays, breaking down systematic oppression for listeners on her Count to Ten podcast, sharing her latest piece of animation or doing something else wholly creative and expressive — she's a woman of many hats.
Speaking on the diversity of her artistry, the 28-year-old takes us back to her childhood, recalling, "I've been drawing since I was two years old, I went to performing art school, was a published poet by fifth grade and kind of have been very well rounded in the arts since I was a kid." Citing this personal background along with her degree in Animation and Game Design from the University of Maryland, she further explains, "By the time that my YouTube channel and social media really took off, I was already well immersed in the arts. So, I feel like the term 'creative' encompasses that variety more than just one type of role."
To date, the multi-talented artist boasts nearly 1.2 million followers across YouTube, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok, presenting an impressive juggling act. Despite her many skills and interests, Bri confides that maintaining such a high level of content creation can take its toll. Last year, she took a six-month break from her YouTube channel — home to 780k subscribers — to refocus. In her comeback video, she described this hiatus as a "state of both losing and finding myself at the same time. I am mourning all versions of myself while celebrating these new versions and chapters of myself that are coming in, and it's happening simultaneously."
On Art and Healing: A Visit to North London’s The Maya Centre
Talking more about what she meant by this, she tells AMAKA, "That was probably one of the most honest things I've been able to say on the channel. When I was about to make that video and I was coming back, I noticed that I was just in this state of limbo as far as how I felt. Some days I did feel a little sad, but other days I was filled with a complete sense of joy and purpose." She describes this inner-complexity as something alien to her Afro-Jamaican upbringing in Maryland, US, divulging, "having a full spectrum of emotions was not normalised at all. You know what I'm saying? Crying was seen as like, 'I'll give you something to cry about.' There was never a time to really have that full spectrum of human emotion."
Navigating her career, mental health and sense of personal freedom against the backdrop of fast-moving life changes typical to that of any twenty-something, Bri relates this experience of self-reflection as a period of reinvention and mourning, like a cathartic release: "I think in order to move forward, I had to acknowledge that I'm also mourning old versions of myself. I was listening to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, and they were doing a review of the show Insecure. Someone spoke about how every celebration is also a moment of mourning, and that really resonated with me. That's how I realised, 'Oh, I'm in a state where I am celebrating and mourning myself.' Let's say you're getting married — you're also mourning the single version of yourself that was out on the town. When you graduate high school, you're mourning the entire high school experience though you're celebrating going to college. The same thing happened when I graduated college. It was like, I'm mourning all those discounts that I used to get, but I'm also celebrating starting my life. You know what I mean?
"ADHD plays into every aspect of my life"
"When you say, 'I'm supposed to be happy right now based on what's going on in my life', it erases the reality of life being multidimensional. Are the things going on in your life happy things? Sure. But is there a human experience going on beyond that? Absolutely as well."
Delving even deeper into Bri's psyche, we learn how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) has shaped the creative's outlook. "ADHD plays into every aspect of my life", she declares. But she doesn't take this as a negative, far from it. Instead, she credits her neurodivergence as the very reason for her career, "[ADHD is] why I'm even on YouTube." Explaining this connection more, she recounts the "Because Procrastination" (disability awareness) video series she made during her more active days on Natural Hair YouTube as the product of a common ADHD symptom, 'I wanted to show people like, 'Hey, this is how long my process actually takes.' Sometimes these videos that are all cute, in a tutorial that's 15 minutes, can take me five days to film because of my ADHD and because of getting distracted from the task at hand. Or I'll change my mind halfway through box braids and be like, 'actually, I think I want to do a wash and go'. But I'll have to remind myself, 'No, no, no. Bri, stay on the course.'" In addition to ADHD, Bri suffers from anxiety, which she's discussed in depth on her YouTube channel as well as her podcast; episode six of Count to Ten, "The Truth of Invisible Disabilities with Kris Head", explores navigating the world as a young person with hidden disabilities.
These types of insights, which she describes as her "unmasked version", give her followers a glimpse into her mind as a neurominority — a refreshing detour from the neurotypical mainstream. "I'm in all in my full ADHD glory where you're seeing the process, you're seeing me getting distracted, you're seeing me get off topic. You're seeing all of the things happening: the frustration, me giving myself pep talks through everything, coming back days later with a smoothie and a face mask on like, 'Hey guys. So I know I said I'd be done tonight, but tonight was three days ago' and just me being honest.
Bri's openness about her disability has been incredibly impactful to those with similar struggles, as she shares, "I've gotten so many messages from fellow people that are either on the autism spectrum or have ADHD or any form of anxiety that have literally said how helpful the visibility of that series has been for them. It makes them feel normal and sane, like, 'Oh my gosh, this is exactly what my process looks like and how long things take me.'"
This response is particularly powerful when you consider Bri's predominantly Black female audience, a demographic that's largely underdiagnosed when it comes to ADHD and other disorders. The content creator herself wasn't diagnosed until well into adulthood, back in 2018. The confirmation felt like the missing piece of the puzzle, following a lifelong feeling of things not being "quite right" dating back to childhood. She reveals, "I think the first time that ADHD really, really presented in my life, like in a very obvious way, was probably as early as first grade."
Interpreting why ambiguity around her condition persisted for so long, she touches on how expressions of ADHD can be gendered, with the disorder in girls not being well understood, "I was a good student. I got mostly honour roll and straight As throughout school, which is one of the reasons why young women, especially young women of colour, are very, very underdiagnosed for things like ADHD."
“Every time I run late, I'm mortified, I'm traumatised. I'm like, 'They're going to think I don't care about their time.' I've gone into moments where I've literally had a full breakdown”
Nonetheless, she often felt like this perception of her being neurotypical was really an act — that she was "masking":" My mental health had to suffer in academia significantly to maintain those types of grades greatly. For example, in fourth grade, I remember my math teacher doing something and, after learning it a different way the night prior, I blurted out, 'You're doing that wrong!' I felt so utterly embarrassed because [a lack of] impulse control, especially with speech and your executive function, is such a big symptom of ADHD. I remember physically fighting to not embarrass myself in these social situations in school. Sometimes, I'd go as far as to excuse myself to go to the bathroom to try and regulate these urges so that I wouldn't blurt things out.
"In third grade, I remember getting a call home from my teacher for talking too much in class and being the class clown and talking in the back. But I knew that once I got bored and once I got talking, it was really hard for me to stop. I know that it might sound funny to some people, but when you have ADHD, it's actually mortifying because you can see the frustration on people's faces. I remember just being in my head saying, 'Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up.'
“The inability to get myself to stop talking was really traumatising for me. Lateness is something that's also always been very traumatising for me because I know some people that run late, and they accept that about themselves, and they laugh about it, and they're like, 'Oh, they'll be all right, whatever.' I know people like that, and I'm not that person at all. Every time I run late, I'm mortified, I'm traumatised. I'm like, 'They're going to think I don't care about their time.' I've gone into moments where I've literally had a full breakdown; I'm crying because I'm running late to plans with somebody or an event or something."
Bri's had a keen artistic spirit since childhood, often using it as an outlet to soothe these overwhelming thoughts. Clinically identifying the cause of her mental health problems armed her with both the knowledge and tools to more efficiently navigate her condition and streamline her creative output. She takes ADHD medication to regulate her brain activity, recalling her first time taking it as an emotional experience, "The first time I took ADHD medicine, I literally started crying, and I called my mother immediately. I told my mom, I feel like when people with really bad vision describe putting on glasses for the first time and how overwhelming that is. Or even people that are hard of hearing community feel when they get their first hearing implant. They begin hearing the vibrations and sounds in a way that they hadn't previously heard it. Every time you see one of those videos on YouTube, someone bursts into tears. I felt like that.
"I even hugged my partner, and this was the first time in my life I'd ever hugged anyone and been able to just think about the hug and not 3000 other thoughts rummaging through my head. And people talk about being mindful and present, but with my ADHD, that was just never a reality for me. This is why I think it's important that ADHD is acknowledged as a disability."
5 African Women Making Moves in the NFT Scene
Though Bri is transparent about her mental health issues, they certainly do not define her. Outside of disability awareness, Bri has used her platform to talk about bisexuality, coming from an immigrant family, spirituality and so much more. In 2018, she made her musical debut with her single "Invitation" under the name La Hara, her stage name referencing a painting by Basquiat, one of her favourite artists. The following year, she released "Unlawful", her biggest hit, with over one million streams on Spotify and 138k views on YouTube to date.
But amidst all this, it's drawing that will always have her heart. "Drawing is my base; that's my foundation and where I got my start, and I feel like it's the platform for everything else", she states. With this in mind, Bri hopes to venture into the NFT space soon, uncharted and enticing territory for the influencer.
Our chat with Bri was animated and all-encompassing, much like the woman herself. For long-time followers, it's been exciting to witness the creator's artistic evolution over the years. This behind-the-scenes tell-all on her craft offered an even more fascinating opportunity to learn about the brains behind the brand, one that will resonate with audiences new and old.