It's been six months since I broke up with Jayson. I don't know if I can call it a breakup because we were never official. Can you imagine wasting five years of your thirties on a man who never claimed you? I did. I fell in love with my FWB, and instead of cutting him off, I spent years trying to convince him that we belonged together. It's safe to say that I didn't get the result I hoped for because now here I am, 39, with no husband, not even a fiancé, just single AF…
You know what's dangerous about men like Jayson? They use your weakness against you. We literally did everything that couples do: The dinner dates, the movie nights, the long talks about life, the trips, you name it! This man gave me everything I asked for except a title. According to Jayson, we were friends who had mad love for each other. When I would ask why we couldn't be more than that, he would say that he valued what we had and didn't want to risk our friendship by creating expectations…
Even though I knew it was all an excuse to keep access to me without any obligations, I kept convincing myself that no man would spend so much of his time and money on a woman he didn't care about. I just needed to be patient and show him my qualities. Looking back, I wonder what the hell I was thinking, but I must admit that sex played a huge part in me holding on to him for that long. This man knew every inch of my body. Climaxing during intercourse was foreign to me until I met Jayson…
After breaking up with him, I immediately started dating again. I tried dating apps, speed dates, singles events, basically every reliable source that people use to find a spouse, and all it did was make me realize that the dating pool is full of 'Jaysons,' but with less money and bad manners. Suddenly, our 'special friendship' didn't seem that bad. I mean, at least Jayson knew how to treat me. The men that I was meeting expected me to go 50/50 on the first date and have sex right after…
I started missing Jayson, and now I'm sitting here staring at his unblocked number in my phone. I know I shouldn't call, but I'm lonely and craving his body. I never went this long without seeing him; maybe he's changed. Blocking him for six months might have taught him a lesson and made him realize that we belong together. Right? Stay tuned for part 2.
Ps: I'm currently writing the first season of this show, and for inspiration purposes I'm sharing a version of it on AMAKA, to see how people respond to it. So I would love to hear your opinion!