My boyfriend and I decided to return to Canada for a year, depending on how thing go with our finances, we are currently looking at one year. We have a place to stay, its not what we paid when we were living in Nova Scotia but its in our old building, two floors down from our old unit. And I got a gig in housing, like last time, except a different organisation that does similar work but different programming options. I will be living very close to my bestie, and she will also be the person I will be working with this time and I cannot wait.  I haven't been to Nova Scotia in 15 months. We flew out December 31st and arrived in Zambia January 2. Caleb returned once last year because he had to. Legally he cannot be in Zambia a full year, he can only be in Zambia for part of the year.  And because money was tight last year, I stayed behind. I will say though that visiting Capetown, South Africa was a highlight, driving was a highlight and eating amazing food, drinking things I love, and being with my love, were all highlights.

Me having secured work prior to even arriving in Nova Scotia is a blessing because the level of racism and hate I was facing at jobs made me question if work was a possible thing for me. Not having worked in almost two years, and struggling to make sense of the world that I live in has really put a damper on my mental health. It already wasn't great before meeting my boyfriend, and the times I have had to find my way back to myself has been one hell of a journey. Having a village matters, having reliable people in your life matters. All I want to do is build a life and the level of bull shit I keep being on the receiving end of has made me question, what is the point in doing this if it isn't getting me anywhere. I have had many negative thoughts, many moments of self reflection to the point where I began to contemplate suicide.  I have been coping for too long and now I am trying to find better ways to think, improve my practices when it comes to regulating my nervous system and to remember how worthy I am of the best life i can give myself even if it looks different wherever I go. I deserve love, peace and support. I dont know what this next year will bring but I am going to do my best do hold myself to the standards I have set up for me and if people are unwilling to stand by me, then I will know that it is me and me alone in this world aside from my person.

Back to Nova Scotia we go.