On Monday, I was privileged to see my little munchkin after the holiday break and it pleased me greatly about how joyful she was. She is that kind of child that leaves you asking God when you will have yours. That aside, she had leveled up for a two year old.

One of the ways she had leveled up was in her ability to say ‘NO’ and stick by it. Yes she is young, but hearing her say ‘NO’ was rejuvenating as she only went about the things that pleased her. 

That was when I got the light bulb moment to pen this down. 

The year is still young and you probably have a mountain of resolutions for your life, relationships, finance, career,  business or spirituality in 2025. However, the act of saying ‘NO’ and establishing boundaries will be a relevant addition to your goals especially if you are a people pleaser or passive type of person. 

Saying “NO” is a form of Self love

As a people pleaser, I struggled so much with saying NO. It affected me greatly in my relationships with people whether they were my bosses, colleagues, friends, family or whoever. I did not want to let people down but the truth is, people will be people.

I have said this before that “no one is coming to save you”  but you may have thought it was just that, a statement. But for me, it is deeper than that. 

No is not a wrong answer, it is a type of answer. - Source: Instagram reel.

There are many benefits of saying NO and some of these reasons are:

1. It is a form of self preservation 
2. It is a representation of clear-cut boundaries.
3. It establishes kindness over niceness.
4. It saves you from wasting your time.
5. It establishes your image in the eyes of others.
6. It means you prioritize yourself.

In as much as saying ‘No’ is important for your mental health and establishing your boundaries, standing your ground means you should be polite yet firm. 

Practical guides and tips in/for saying ‘NO’.

As much as saying ‘No’ sounds cool, you may still be struggling with understanding the concept of saying NO, so here are practical guides to help you get over it.

1. Be self-aware:

One thing people pleasers do is forget themselves and in the process, they replace themselves with external forces, thereby seeking a sort of validation from others. 

To get over this, it is advisable that you become self aware by asking yourself a selfish question, “what’s in it for me? What do I stand to gain or lose?” When these questions are asked and you can answer them genuinely, that is your starting point. To keep track of your progress, check this free resource.

2. Stop apologizing unnecessarily:

I know it's hard, but if roles were reversed, would that person apologize for making you uncomfortable? Don't be timid in people's presence. It makes you appear weak and easy to them and in turn, they can take advantage of you.

Instead of apologizing unnecessarily, take time to breath before saying anything. Constantly apologizing shows that you prioritize the needs of others more than yours. Are you not precious and far above rubies? 

To get over this habit, see this material for your consumption. You need it in your journey of overcoming the “Yes-man” syndrome. 

3. Stop making excuses when you say No:

Sometimes, people don't have to understand the reason behind why you said ‘NO’. Just say ‘NO’ and keep your mouth shut. They cannot beat you. Instead of saying, “I'm sorry babe but I won't be available to join your Asoebi because my aunty is at the clinic and we need all the money we can get…,” say instead,  “No, I won't be available on that particular day”.

This year, free yourself from unnecessary engagements and journal your experiences using this planner.

4. Give yourself time:

The changes have to first be intentional before it becomes a habit. It won't go away easily but you can take baby steps while realizing that you cannot please everyone. 

So instead of focusing on the fact that you haven't gotten out of it entirely, be gracious to yourself by giving yourself time and being intentional about saying ‘No’. 

I hope you know you can't stay passive forever? Oya, put this into practice now and see the changes that will come about as a result of your intentionality.