It's quite the status quo to have a hero and a villain in the home, the hero being our loving, caring, and empathetic mother, while the villains are the cold, aggressive, and scary fathers.

Our mothers are constantly praised, while our fathers get villainized.

But I wonder: Are mothers really always heroes? Is there something we miss? Is there something dark hidden behind the cape they wear?

Now, no one is perfect, be it your father or mother, but for some reason, fathers get all the hate for their abusive nature, but the thing is, mothers aren't angels themselves.

Male aggression usually manifests itself overtly, but female aggression takes a less grandiose approach. Women and mothers can be seen taking a more covert approach when it comes to expressing aggression: verbal abuse, humiliation, passive aggressiveness, emotional neglect, and many more. But because these acts happen in a more subtle way compared to those of the father, we tend to give less meaning to such acts, and as a result, mothers get away with a lot of behaviors.

Frequently, men get immediate scrutiny for their abuse, but as for women, their abuse is swept under the rug because the impact differs. For a man, the impact of physical aggression is immediate, and the pain and marks are there for all to feel and see, but for a mother, the effect of such abuse isn't anywhere near immediate; in fact, you can carry on with your day like nothing happened. But studies show us that emotional trauma has the same effect as physical; it might not be immediate, but it could manifest in various ways, be it low self-esteem, self-doubt, intimacy issues, and many more.

For a long time, there's been scrutiny of men and their approach to parenting, and rightfully so, but this is really for mothers. We need to start taking accountability for our reactions, whether verbally or emotional neglect, we need to realize that both physical and mental abuse, whether directly or indirectly, have a massive effect on the psychological development of the child, and it's our job to be better, not just for us to heal but also for those we will choose to raise.

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