Introduction

Love and trust are the cornerstones of any healthy romantic relationship. In the context of modern relationships, there is often a delicate balance between these two aspects, leading to what I call "distorted feelings”. Modern relationships have become so twisted that people have to put their guard up, in order to protect themselves or avoid being taken for granted. In this write-up, I explore the complexities of trust and love in romantic partnerships and delve into the age-old debate about who should take the first step in upholding their part of the relationship. Should someone always be the "bigger person," and why do we even need to debate these dynamics?

The Biblical Perspective

I came across a post on Instagram telling the story of a man who felt his partner wasn’t being submissive and so he ended the relationship. Of course, our Insta in-laws took to the comment section to bash or support the individuals involved. One school of thought argued that respect/submission is earned while the other argued that the woman has to submit first to earn her husband’s love. And I wondered why this is up for debate in the first place. When did we get to this point where people can’t just relax and enjoy a relationship; without building up fences, looking over their shoulders, building up a defense. Why is there so much distrust in relationships that we can’t relax and enjoy a relationship without thinking;  “if I show too much, will that mean I’m weak?” “Will he still find me attractive?” “Will she still respect me?” “Is she for real or just after my money?”. Everyone, one way or another is trying to avoid “see finish”. 

In examining the concept of trust and love in relationships, it's worth noting that the Bible provides guidance on how husbands and wives should interact. Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) states, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her," and Ephesians 5:22 (NIV) says, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord." These verses have been interpreted in various ways over time, leading to different expectations within relationships. I would not like to dwell on this quote. But I do wonder whether wives are meant to uphold their part of the bargain first because their instructions is written before the husbands.🙂 Well it is interesting to know that while some women are raised to be soft and subservient (because submission should be ingrained in a woman) some others don’t believe submission comes naturally to a woman. They opine that when a man loves a woman right, he would never need to demand respect.

The Subtle Tug of War

I once heard a man telling his friend “You are not supposed to show a woman how much you love her because she will take you for granted and disrespect you. You should use a mean approach with women”. And I’m thinking “Wait, what?!”

In many modern relationships, there exists a subtle tug of war regarding who should make the first move in demonstrating love and trust. Both partners may wonder if they should wait for the other to fulfill their role before reciprocating. This uncertainty can create a sense of distrust, which can, over time, distort the purity of love.

The question then arises: should someone always be the "bigger person" and take the first step in upholding their part of the relationship dynamics? The answer is not straightforward. In an ideal world, both partners should strive to fulfill their respective roles simultaneously. The affection and actions toward a romantic partner shouldn’t be dependent on them. But due to lack of trust and distorted ideologies, we try to manipulate love or demand respect. And given that relationships are rarely perfect, sometimes, one partner may need to take the lead to break the cycle of distrust.

The Importance of Communication

Rather than getting caught up in debates about who should do what first, the key to a healthy relationship lies in open communication. Partners should discuss their expectations, fears, and desires honestly. This dialogue can help bridge the gap of misunderstanding and mistrust that often arises when roles are not clearly defined or are viewed as unequal.

The debate about relationship dynamics is essential because it highlights the need for balance and equality in modern relationships. In a world where gender roles are evolving, it's crucial to redefine what it means to love and trust in a partnership. Instead of adhering rigidly to traditional interpretations, couples should adapt these principles to fit their unique circumstances while maintaining mutual respect and love.

Conclusion

"Distorted feelings" in romantic relationships can often be attributed to a lack of trust and understanding between partners. While the Bible provides guidance on the roles of husbands and wives, these roles should be seen as a foundation rather than strict rules. Ultimately, both partners should strive to love and trust each other simultaneously, fostering a relationship based on mutual respect and open communication. Rather than debating who should be the bigger person, the focus should be on building a strong and healthy bond where love and trust coexist harmoniously.