I have a cyclotomic disorder. Losing my friends, work, and relationship has left me with no choice but to isolate myself. 

At first, I thought it was just a mood swing everyone experiences but I noticed mine was intense. I could barely last an hour without getting irritated. My siblings started getting scared of me and could barely spend time with me anymore. I became a shadow of myself. All I do is wake up every morning, sit down, and look into the space. I continued repeating the same routine because I was scared of my actions toward people. 

I could remember a day my mum brought food for me, I told her I did not like what she served me, and she told me to manage it and that she will prepare something I like the next time. My mood changed instantly and I poured the food on the floor. Immediately after I did this, I started regretting my action. 

My mum walked out of the room crying. I followed her to apologize but she continued crying. I could not help but cry too. She told me she was not crying because of my action but because I have refused to get help. My mood changed again. I let her know I was ok. That it was just a mood swing everyone experiences but she said to me “Yours is intense”  I refused to believe her. She continued telling me that many people are suffering from this same sickness of mine but has refused to get help because they feel it’s nothing. 

She informed me that my Daddy experienced the same sickness but his symptoms were mild. But knowing the man I married, I knew that all was not well, I suggested we get mental treatment but he refused. He labeled that I was calling him a madman. I defended myself but he refused to believe me. James, I feel this sickness is hereditary and it has gotten to you. The difference between you and your daddy is that his reactions were mild but yours is intense. 

Look around you James, you have lost your work because of this, no one is willing to do business with you, and you have so many broken relationships and friendships. This sickness is way beyond what you think. I feel you should get mental treatment. I can help you, James, I’m your mother and I have your interest at heart. Allow me to help you. You are 24 James, you are not getting younger anymore. You need to start building your life so that you can leave my house soon. 

Health is wealth, James. I do remember you once told me you desire to become a successful psychotherapist. It’s time you started working towards that. You cannot be this way and become successful in that field. You need to heal and this healing starts with admitting and talking to someone to get help. Once you get well, you can help inform and enlighten others. You can't give what you don't have James. You have to have something in order to give it out. I hope you give thought to all I have said to you and give me feedback. I’m always here to help you, son. If you fight this sickness and get better, millions of people that have the same problem and are neglecting it, will get informed and seek help. 

James, do not forget, one person can save a whole entity.