Context: In FUTMINNA they make concrete chairs at every gathering spot for people to sit and relax.
How to have sex on a bench made of cement, under motion sensor lights.
1. You need determination
Not the kind you use to get a piercing in your mother’s house. I am talking hardcore type, the kind that made Methuselah live for as long as he did.
You need determination because silly people like me may remember they have not had anything to eat all day and walk by with our obnoxious torch lights to buy bread and eggs so people like us should not deter you from your goal which is getting laid –Against that cold hard construction material.
2. You need to know how to use your hands.
I imagine trying to use anything else will be tumultuous as these chairs have classic chair width, despite knowing that these contraptions will be used for fornication school authorities could not extend it just a bit. Shame.
3. Do not wear bright clothing.
The colors; pink, Neon, orange and yellow should be avoided. If you are wise anyway. You may also want to pass this information to your partner for the night, especially if this is a sneaky link and you do not want your real partner to find out. Wear black, both of you.
4. Be quiet
Please. I just want to get my bread and go. I don’t want to hear things in the corner that will make me think my demons have come out to hunt me, I will flash my light, I am sorry but I will, so please try to be quiet. It could help to stuff your mouth with clothes if the cunnilingus is so great that everyone else must know.
5. Enjoy yourself
Have fun. Someone is probably going to hear you or see you but it doesn’t matter, they have nothing better to do than play sudoku alone in their room and eat their sad lonely bread so have fun. The adrenaline you feel doing this is almost equivalent to robbing a store so it is like killing two birds with one stone.
6. Lastly, keep it yourself.
No one likes a kiss and tell. Jack. Your penis is not 7 inches, she didn’t gag. Stop lying.