Growing up African means being shaped by loud, firm, insistent voices—from parents, elders, community, tradition, and sometimes even ancestors we have never met. These voices mold us before we even know who we are, dictating what is acceptable, what is frowned upon, and what is forbidden.

But beneath these external voices lies another, quieter one the voice that knows what you truly want, who you truly are. The struggle between these voices is the essence of finding yourself in an African home.

The Many Voices That Shape Us

In an African household, decisions are rarely individual affairs. They are collective matters, weighed against family expectations, cultural norms, and communal approval. We are taught that elders are to be obeyed, family comes first, and that "what will people say?" is a legitimate reason to suppress personal desires.

We see this in everyday choices—from the courses our parents push us to study to the careers we are expected to pursue and even the kind of people we should love. A daughter may be reminded that no matter how successful she becomes, marriage is her real achievement. A son may be discouraged from pursuing a passion that doesn’t align with traditional ideas of stability.

These voices can be guiding forces, offering wisdom passed down through generations. But they can also be shackles, preventing us from exploring who we are outside of cultural obligations. And so, we must ask ourselves: At what point does listening become silencing?

Intuition vs. External Guidance: The African Dilemma

"Respect your elders." "The path of the ancestors never leads astray." "A child does not know more than the one who has lived before him."

These proverbs shape how we are taught to listen. But what happens when your inner voice conflicts with these external rules?

When I say trust your gut, I don’t mean dismiss wisdom. I mean learning to distinguish between guidance that nurtures you and guidance that confines you.

I once dreamt of becoming a pilot soaring through the skies, defying gravity. But in a household where stability was valued over ambition, that dream was  unrealistic, even rebellious. Eventually, I let it go. Not because I wanted to, but because I had been conditioned to believe that my voice was less important than the voices around me.

And yet, what is a person without dreams of the future? What are we without the courage to listen to our own hearts?

Finding Your Voice Without Losing Yourself

The beauty of being African is that we are not just individuals—we are part of something bigger: a lineage, a people, a legacy. But self-discovery is not rebellion. Finding your voice does not mean rejecting your culture; it means learning to exist within it on your own terms.

So, how do we do this?

• Listen, but reflect. Take the wisdom from elders, but ask yourself if it aligns with your truth.
• Honor tradition, but don’t be trapped by it. The world is changing, and culture must evolve with it.
• Understand that respect is not the same as obedience. You can honor your family while still making choices for yourself.

The voice you listen to will shape the life you live. So, respect the guiding voices, but never silence your own. Because in the end, the loudest regrets come from the dreams left unpursued.

Find your voice. Trust it. Follow it.

And yet, what is a man without dreams of the future?