So, I had my first heartbreak when I was sixteen. I know I was too small to be in-love relationship then but wait till you hear my story.

At sixteen, my life wasn't easy, I was depressed and had seriously low self-esteem. Nobody understood me and the relatives I went to live with all treated me so badly. Growing up, I always thought that I was unlovable and that no one will accept me as I am.

Young, sad, depressed, and naive, I was working under one woman as a salesgirl. She cooks and sells food at one of the local markets where I served as a salesgirl. Life wasn't easy but I managed. 

The first week I got there I met my first love. Let's call him "Japheth". He was much older than I was, and he started treating me nicer than anyone I knew around there. Sometimes he tipped me and buy me things. To me, I thought he was an angel, my innocent mind never imagined that he can like me or whatever.

I went home one day and received a call from a strange number, I wanted to know who it was but he said that I should guess. His voice sounded familiar but I could not tell where I heard the voice.

That was how we started talking and speaking to each other every day even though I am yet to know who it was. I told him everything about me and how life has treated me, though I don't know who it was because, to me, he was an angel. His voice gave me peace and courage to move on and I find myself smiling every day. As I speak with him every day I forget to ask him who he is. 

One evening he called again and we started talking, surprisingly he asked me again,  do you now know who I am?  Truly his voice sounded familiar like what I had every day but I  don't know who he was in person. So I replied please tell me. He said you are speaking with Brother Japheth . For the second time that evening I was shocked. Now I know why your voice sounded so familiar!

I was so happy and by a week time, he proposed that I be his girlfriend and I accepted. I saw him as my knight in a shining armor because he was the first human to ever accept me and understand me for a very long time. I cried the night he asked me out because to me the universe has gifted me with someone who will forever love and cherish me.

We dated for one year and each day I found myself falling harder for him. To me, he can never commit any sin because everything he did was right in my eyes. Even when he is at fault I will be one to apologize.  Even when he tells me how much of a burden I was and how I am not his class but he chose me still.

I was practically happy with everything he did. Even though he had many girls, I was not bothered.  I loved him to the extent I prayed for him every moment and every day. He was always in my mind. I used to ask the universe to let anything bad that was to happen to him happen to me instead. I prayed that he should live years longer than me because I can't bear the pain of losing him.

He was my priceless jewel and my heartbeat. He was the most handsome in my eyes. I slept always thinking about him and woke thinking about him.

I trusted him so much because he never slept with me, though he do ask me for it but whenever I said no, he would let me be. 

A year later, by then, I was living with the woman that I was selling for. ( she was the one that gave him my contact). Though I was not treated fine as usual but I accept it all because of him. He was my safe haven and I could defeat anything with him in my life. 

My boss came back from the market alone that day because I was not feeling well and gave me the saddest news of my life. She said, Favour, japheth said that I should tell you that he is no longer interested in you and that he does not want you to come anywhere closer to him.

This news hit me like a truck. What? The only strength I have, the reason I am still breathing, the only one that made my life bearable has suddenly broken up with me?

I tried to breathe but I  couldn't, I tried to calm myself but I could not. I ran outside with the excuse to fetch water. Tears started falling down my eyes. All the dots began to connect, how he had not been answering my calls for days now. The thoughts were running faster than anything I could think of.

I cried and cried and cried. That night was the darkest in my life. Every bad thing that has happened to me came flashing. I just sat beside the well holding my chest and crying out my heart. The only one that ever loved has finally left.

When I later calmed down that night I tried calling him but he will end the call. I tried to tell myself that he will pick to at least tell me what I did wrong. I was willing to beg, to kneel or crawl on the floor to get his forgiveness.

The next day, I woke up not getting myself, the happy butterflies I had in my stomach as turned to bitterness that I could taste even on my tongue. My boss laughed at me but the person sitting there was no longer me but my shadows.

I tried calling again but he kept on hanging the call. I later got a message from him telling me not to ever call his line again if not ( rained all my manner of curses on me). I was heartbroken yet I blamed myself for being a curse, for being so unlikable.

Every bad word ever spoken by anyone I lived with came flashing. The way they treated me and their words were my nightmare. It was as if my nightmares has come to pass in real life.

On Monday, I went back to the market, and I saw him with a new girl. The way he looked at her, they made faces, and I realized that he had left me for another. Of course, I knew he had numerous girlfriends but those were his side chicks. 

I was waiting to see him and to ask him what I did wrong not knowing that he had moved on. My heart shattered for the second time. It felt like someone was stabbing me through. 

I still loved him but I will never accept him again. I still loved him but now he isn't mine anymore. The guy that once loved me has moved on even before he broke up with me.

I have heard many people say that I was cursed but now  I believed it. I fell ill, I went back to my mother. The pain in my heart was killing me, more than the sickness. Though I was breathing, I find no reason for living anymore.

For months and years, I tried to end it but I  couldn't.  To the world, I  laughed more, I was brighter  than before but only I knows that I am dead inside.

The pain was growing each day, from denial to pain, to heartbreak, to anger, to acceptance. For many nights I could not sleep, For many years I tried to stop the little voices whispering and telling me that I was unwanted. My self-esteem fell totally.

I lived like this for years, until I started realizing that it was not my fault he left. I  realized that no one will love me if I do not love myself.  Loving myself was the hardest thing because I hated seeing that person my mirror. 

I started loving myself,  accepting and creating the world I liked. All those years no one came to my rescue, no one knew what was happening inside me, not even my mother. I promised myself to fight for myself and be my own heroine.

I started doing things for myself and stopped seeing myself through other people's lenses. I stopped hating myself and said good things to myself each day. This opened my eyes to realized how unqualified he was for me and how amazing and beautiful I am.

Since then, I have stopped letting myself down and I no longer ask, am I worthy? But are you worthy?

The heartbreak hurt because I was naive and helpless but not anymore. 

To you out there, your love story might not have been like mine or happened like mine. No matter what it was or how you felt, I want you to know that it's not worth your life. You will live and love again. you will beat this and this is not the end of the world.

#Ifyouwantotherstoloveyoushowthembylovingyourselffirst# #Iloveyou❤️❤️