For Adaora, Sex was always such an uncomfortable topic. It was one she often would shy  away from. She points  to her conservative upbringing. She says ; "When you grow up the way I did, you tend to be very guarded and uncomfortable when it comes to matters of sex. I grew up in a conservative household and topics related to sex were very much taboo subjects. It was often said that when you grow older you will understand these things. There was even a group in church for virgins. That was just how it was.”

Purity culture culture places strong emphasis on abstinence from sexual intercourse and gained momentum in the 1990s  within Christian evangelicals.

Through time, young girls have been made to adhere to its principles. Purity culture  is rooted in misogyny because men are not held to same standards.

Purity culture is very problematic for women. It links women's worth to sex and connotes a devalue of self for having sex. It shames women for having sex or exploring their sexuality. Society makes it seem like sex is something that is done to women and not something that women themselves are participants in and enjoy.

Women enjoy sex and this is not acknowledged enough. Adaora says; “Nothing Prepared me for how pleasurable the experience was. I did not know this and was so shocked. You can imagine the first time I had an orgasm how shocked I was.”  However she had to contend with the shame and guilt afterward. She explains that being in a relationship did not make her shame go away. She says ; “The first time I engaged in foreplay with my then boyfriend , I liked it so much that I felt an overwhelming shame. I told him we had to stop but I wanted it so much. It was so bad that we couldn’t even have sex. My body will shut down when it came to having sex.” She believes that was one of the reasons that led to the demise of her relationship. She says “ I just couldn’t have sex. It was all in my head. It played a huge part in the relationship ending. Everything I had been conditioned to believe as a young girl of what sex after the fact does to you kept ringing in my head. I was an adult but it still had a hold on me.”

Gateway to Abuse

Purity culture does a disservice to women. It does not grant women autonomy over their bodies and makes women easy prey to abusive and dangerous  men. Many women will stay in abusive relationships because they do not want to increase the number of men they have been intimate with. For Irene, she became involved with an abusive man and stayed for years with him due to purity culture upbringing. She says; “ I stayed in my abusive relationship because I thought I was used and damaged because I was intimate with him. My upbringing made me believe that so I tried to make it work with him so I stayed even though I didn’t want to.”

It will take many women years to properly do away with the conditioning of purity culture. The harm done is  visible. Adaora says ; “ I think I am still unlearning the shame and all the garbage you know. I have come to a place where I know I like sex. I like the pleasure. My body belongs to me. I still have rough days which are like trauma response but I look forward to being completely free."

For Irene, she says; “It will take me years to properly unravel all of the garbage of purity culture that had conditioned me. That left me in an abusive relationship which isolated me from my friends and family.”