Being a modern African woman living in the diaspora is a complex and nuanced identity that encompasses a mixture of traditional and western ideals and practices. I not only carry the legacy and lessons of those who came before me but I also have to navigate the challenges and opportunities of modern-day society.

At the core of my identity, is my rich cultural heritage and the pride of being Nigerian, which was passed down to me and which I will pass on to my children in hopes that they will pass it on to theirs.  

My culture has a wealth of values, beliefs and practices that have shaped me into the woman I am today. RESPECT was one of the first values that was ever drilled into me. Respect for your elders, respect for your seniors, respect for someone who is 3 months older than you, and respect for your twin who came 5 minutes before you. FAITH was at the centre of everything. God was used to praise you, show you off, and of course to discipline you. These two alone laid a brilliant foundation for me and till now keep me grounded. EDUCATION can be used to kill you (not literally) but if you don’t study, your parents won't let you rest. For example, I have a masters degree in Oil & Gas Management which I do not use but for some reason my mum still shows off with it. 

As a youngin, becoming a wife and mother was always emphasised, from the character and persona required to not only attain it but also how to maintain it. As annoying as it was at the time, the lessons learnt have served me well.

Keeping my culture alive is something I personally try to be intentional about whether it's cooking traditional dishes, wearing traditional clothes,  listening to sounds of Africa or literally studying ALL THINGS AFRICA.  I believe it's very important to plug into my cultural heritage and stay connected to home despite the distance between here and there and I’d assume that many women like me living in the diaspora may share similar or the same experiences.

My identity however, is not limited to just the traditional elements I mentioned above. As a product of modern society, (born and raised in London - South London to be precise) I find myself also influenced by western ideals and practices. Particularly the freedom to think for oneself. I say this not to imply that those back home cannot think for themselves, but more so to highlight that in the West, thought processes and decision making are governed more by self and less by culture or tradition. I am fortunate enough to live where I can aspire to be a CEO first and wife/mother second without fear of being judged or told not to forget the responsibilities of my home. I can decide that a career is all that I want and that family life is not for me, without the label of something being wrong with me. I can choose the path I desire because of the freedom I can access, a freedom that comes without the pressures of culture and tradition weighing on me. I can exist and simply be, whatever that looks like because here, the choice of being inside the box or outside the box is mine. Now, this doesn't mean that women in the West don't have their own unique set of pressures that they face, we do after all live in a patriarchal society so whether I’m home in Nigeria or home in London, patriarchy rules in a way that doesn’t really favour women, now imagine having culture and tradition added to the mix, the ball game changes substantially. 

This freedom though, isn’t all that it's sought out to be…when we have too many choices and the freedom to consistently choose ourselves, it is very easy to lose sight of what service looks like and why different levels of sacrifice and discipline are necessary for the different seasons we find ourselves in. Sometimes the individualistic way of life, which pushes the I can do it all by myself attitude, lacks the deep sense of community and service to others that I didn't personally experience but always aspired to have. It’s almost as if we are so tunnel visioned with our personal goals that we either forget the goals outside of self or only remember them when time isn't fully on our side. And that's if these goals exist for us at all. 

All I’m basically saying is that it's imperative we find a BALANCE. One that relieves the tension which is often created between traditional values and modern desires. As African women living in the diaspora, we must seek to find that intersection, the sweet spot where the expectations of our cultural heritage work in tandem with the opportunities and challenges of modern society, allowing us to live out our multifaceted identities as the women we want to be.

For me, I’ve found myself at the juxtaposition of fulfilling the traditional african values of service especially in my home as a wife and mother whilst still maintaining the modern ideals of thriving in my career as a presenter, voice actor and social entrepreneur. The exposure to and experience of both traditional and modern day ideals has enabled me to see and believe that I can do it/have it all … WITHIN REASON. Different seasons in my life will require different levels of the traditional or the modern and just because a particular season may require more or less of the other doesn't mean I lack in either. 

The current season I am in as a new wife & mother is totally traditional heavy and if I'm being honest, initially, it was complex emotionally, as my career for the first time had shifted down on my priority list. But I've come to realise that despite its position on my list, it still is on the list. I have the capacity and ability to fulfil it, and although it may present itself differently (writing an article for Amaka) I can still do it all. 

I have found how to govern myself in a way where my cultural heritage is balanced out and has created a cocktail where I can dream big and go for things but know that my foundation is what keeps me grounded.

This to me is a modern African diaspora woman.

I am her.