We are often told that we are too soft, too spoilt, too sensitive. But is this really true? Or are we simply misunderstood by those who fail to see the deeper meaning and purpose behind our choices?
As a Gen Z Nigerian woman, living in Nigeria, I've been told multiple times that what the elder can see sitting, the child cannot see standing. This saying is used by traditional older people to claim that they know more than young people and that they should be followed and obeyed blindly.
Don't get me wrong, I admit that there is a certain wisdom that comes with aging, but there is also a certain freshness and vitality that young people have. A different perspective and an optimism that is vital for the development of any society.
They like to tell us that we're too soft and we're too weak because we don't want to suffer. Even up till now, my dad still tells me stories of how he used to go to bed hungry and how he had to basically parent himself because his dad was an absentee father, and his mum was busy trying to provide so that they could survive. One of my friends, Levi, told me that his mum tells him stories of when she used to hawk on the streets and how he has it easy. Our parents tell us these stories in order for us to know that we are lazy, and we couldn't have survived in their time. It's an indication of how society had failed the older generation when they were younger. Yes, I get it surviving through abusive and inhabitable environments is a flex to a lot of people. It be giving I came, I saw, and I conquered vibes. But a lot of them don't think about the fact that there are consequences, trauma responses that accompany the survival of such environments.
Our parents had to parent themselves, either because their parents were too busy trying to provide or their parents had their own trauma to deal with. And so, they think to themselves "if I survived my abusive parents without complaint, how dare my child open up their mouth to complain."; "If my parents never saw me as a full human being, and recognized my autonomy as a person, who is this child to have an opinion of their own that differs from mine."
I'm sure we've all seen these memes and weird exaggerations of how the Gen Z claim that everything affects their mental health. And how everything is child abuse. In a way, I think it's an avenue to mock and shame the younger generation for recognizing patterns of abuse and trying to fix them.
I don't know what's going through the older generation's minds, but I assume that it is like "If I endured this in the hands of my parents and came out okay-I mean I'm successful and married and I have kids, -why won't my children take this training that I'm giving them."
Can I just say that the definition of success has changed drastically? The younger generation is redefining what success means to them. It's no longer have a good job, get married and have kids. It's now travel the world if I want to. Travel the world with kids if I want to. Don't have kids. Have tons of kids. Everyone is defining what success means to them.
Also, that belief that the older generation has, that they endured many sufferings and came out okay is very erroneous. We have lots of adults walking around with a lot of anger and hurt and trauma all unhealed. And they don't even know it, and most of them have refused to look inwards and do the work.
Mental health, what is that to most Nigerian adults? And so, when the younger generation is doing the work and healing their inner child, they make fun of them and make memes. But we are not deterred by their mockery or their criticism. We know better than to follow the same patterns that caused us pain. We know better than to settle for less than we deserve or compromise our happiness for others’ expectations. We know better than to ignore our emotions or suppress our creativity. We know better than to let society define us or limit us.
We are different from our parents’ generation, not because we are soft or spoilt or sensitive, but because we are resilient and courageous. We are different because we value personal growth, mental well-being, and work-life balance. We are different because we focus on experiences and individuality rather than materialism and conformity.
We are different because we break free from traditional norms and gender roles that limited the choices of previous generations, especially for women. We are different because we dare to dream and pursue our passions, regardless of what society expects from us. We are different because we embrace our diversity and celebrate our uniqueness, rather than hiding or conforming to fit in. We are different because we respect ourselves and our boundaries, rather than sacrificing or compromising for others' approval.
As women and feminists, we are finally getting the freedom to make our own choices as women that they never had. It’s true that sometimes older women are unsupportive of younger women. They pressure them about when they’re going to get married, ask them why they don’t have kids, and basically question all their non-traditional choices. All choices that they-the older women- never had the liberty to make. They don't realize that we have more opportunities and options than they did. They don't realize that we have more power and agency than they did.
The older generation likes to boast about how the rate of divorce was lower in their time. But was it really a sign of success, or a result of oppression? Many women sacrificed their dreams, hopes, and aspirations to “keep the family together.” So of course, divorce rates were lower then. Now, more women are getting divorced. And we applaud their courage! We admire their decision to leave unhealthy or unhappy relationships, and to choose themselves over others' opinions. We admire their willingness to start over and rebuild their lives, and to find happiness on their own terms. We admire their strength and independence, and their refusal to settle for less than they deserve.
In a presentation to the American Sociological Association, researchers report that women are more likely than men to ask for a divorce. The results came from an analysis of the aptly named “How Couples Meet and Stay Together” survey, collected from 2,262 adults with opposite-sex partners who answered questions about their relationship status between 2009 and 2015. Women initiated 69% of divorces, compared to 31% of men. This suggests that women are more willing to end unhappy or abusive relationships, and more confident in pursuing their own happiness and well-being. This also shows that women are more aware of their needs and desires, and more assertive in expressing them. This also shows that women are more capable of handling change and uncertainty, and more adaptable in finding new opportunities. This also shows that women are more courageous in breaking free from traditional norms, and more visionary in creating new possibilities.
: Rosenfeld, Michael J., Reuben J. Thomas, and Sonia Hausen. 2015. “Women’s Independence and Divorce Initiation in Contemporary Cohorts.” Paper presented at American Sociological Association Annual Meeting, Chicago.
As we continue to redefine success and challenge societal norms, it becomes clear that our generation values more than just material accomplishments. We prioritize emotional well-being, personal growth, and authentic connections. We don’t want to live a life of misery and regret, but a life of joy and fulfillment. We don’t want to follow the crowd, but to follow our hearts. We don’t want to be trapped in cycles of suffering, but to break free and create a better future for ourselves and others.
In this journey of self-discovery and empowerment, mental health plays a central role. It is the compass guiding us through the complexities of life, allowing us to navigate our emotions, traumas, and fears. By addressing mental health concerns, we are taking charge of our well-being, fostering resilience, and breaking the chains of intergenerational trauma. We are not ashamed or afraid to admit that we need help sometimes. We are not weak or selfish for seeking therapy or medication. We are not alone or hopeless in our struggles.
We are brave and strong for facing our pain and healing our wounds.
However, it’s essential to recognize that we are not alone in this pursuit. Open dialogue and understanding between generations can bridge the gap and foster empathy. We must extend our compassion to those who came before us and understand that their experiences shaped their perspectives. Just as we seek validation for our struggles, they, too, yearn for acknowledgment of their sacrifices and resilience. How can we judge them for what they did or didn’t do, when we don’t know what they went through? How can we expect them to understand us, when we don’t try to understand them? How can we build a better future together, when we don’t learn from the past?
This mutual appreciation will help build a more supportive community that empowers individuals of all ages. Together, we can create an environment where healing and growth are celebrated, and vulnerability is not seen as a weakness but as a sign of strength and authenticity.
To sum up, Gen Z women are not weak, they just have a different type of strength. We may be young, but that doesn't give you the right to discredit us and our ideals. At the end of the day, we are the future of society and thank God too.