There is a Hollywood film titled 'How to Be Single'. While I am not referencing the movie directly, I thought it would be an apt starting point🤭. In society, there is an incessant buzz about relationships—questions like "Who is getting married?", "Who is approaching 30 without a partner?", "Who is financially secure yet avoids commitment?" "the kind of man or woman one should not marry", and the pervasive "baby mama, baby daddy" dynamics. Initially, I viewed these conversations as little more than a brouhaha, but is that truly the case?🤔

As a young woman in my early twenties, freshly graduated and navigating the challenges of life in Nigeria😪, it feels as though there’s an unspoken expectation that I should have suitors. Yet, the reality is that I am not interested🥰. This is the longest I’ve been single since turning 18. I was once accustomed to the "dating scene," and I even developed certain expectations from the few relationships I engaged in—sometimes, those expectations exceeded even what I had for myself. But that is all behind me now.

I am often described as ambitious, and I believe that aspect of my personality influences my approach to love. I am driven to achieve so much in life, and the only kind of partner I seek is one who would support and encourage that ambition. Now, for the first time in a long while, I am on my own. Surprisingly, I have grown accustomed to it. Still, I sense that I am not alone in this experience.

I have a hypothesis: many young people in Nigeria are so overwhelmed by the pressure to constantly achieve that they equate continuous success with escaping hardship. This phenomenon is, in my observation, quite unfortunate.

I’ve often wondered why conversations about relationships dominate both online and offline spaces🤔. It seems inevitable to avoid seeing a post about relationships each day. Initially, I thought there might be some kind of obsession I wasn’t fully understanding, or perhaps it was just my social media algorithm at play. But then it dawned on me: many people are lonely. Despite their hard work, they carry a deep, unspoken longing to share their lives with someone else. Companionship is a basic human need. Perhaps, it’s not always about romantic relationships—platonic connections can also fulfill that need and fill the void.

Being single has proven to be a fascinating journey, one I’ve only recently started to appreciate. I am still learning how to embrace this phase, even though I’ve been cautioned not to grow too comfortable in it. The future remains uncertain, but I believe I will enjoy this time for as long as it lasts, embracing the companionship of family, friends, and colleagues. After all, who says being single equates to being alone?💁🏾‍♀️

It all comes down to mindset. I have adopted a mindset that prioritizes pursuing my dreams, personal development, and having fun along the way. This doesn’t mean shutting people out. Rather, I intend to welcome those who seem to be on a similar journey. Growth is challenging, and allowing people into your life is even more difficult, especially after experiencing hurt in the past. However, I believe it’s important to take time to heal and then take the risk again.

I don’t claim to have a definitive guide on how to be single, but I do have a few suggestions that might help if you’re struggling with it.

First, learn to enjoy your own company. If you can’t be alone with your thoughts, you’re likely obstructing your path to self-awareness. How can you truly know yourself if you don’t carve out time for introspection? Also, cultivate hobbies that you can enjoy by yourself—something personal, subtle, and non-addictive or addictive in a good way( if you genuinely know something like that)😂, like playing video games, experimenting with new recipes, learning a new song, or my personal favorite, dancing alone to great music.

Next, embrace the joy of travel. The world offers countless experiences that go far beyond what is portrayed on a screen—even within Nigeria itself. In 2024, I visited three different states for the first time, and the diversity within this country was truly mindblowing🤯.

Another key recommendation is to constantly seek self-improvement. Undertake a personal project. Perhaps it’s enhancing your personal hygiene💪🏾, revamping your wardrobe, improving your communication skills, expanding your financial literacy, or deepening your spiritual practice. Engage in these endeavors, and I have no doubt that you’ll find great fulfillment.

Finally, I would advise against actively seeking out a relationship. Don’t rush into finding "the one." 🙄Enjoy your single status for a while. Let your story be about you, without a partner playing a central role. This isn’t to say you should isolate yourself—feel free to go on dates if you connect with someone😉, spend time with friends, or visit that favorite cousin or know those colleagues a little bit more. Let everything unfold naturally.

In conclusion, remember to live fully, even while single.