By Naomi Irenosen Akharele

According to an IPSOS study, 80% of women have experienced sexual harassment in public spaces. This means that these women have been sexually harassed by men they do not know and or had a previous encounter with. Seven percent of these assaults are carried out by a relative of the victim and 28% by an intimate partner. What this tells us is that women aren’t safe anywhere, even in their own homes.

Nigeria, like most of Africa, is an inherently patriarchal society, a society in which men have been deemed the head and treated with reverence and women are regarded as ‘spare’, ‘evil’ or ‘other’. This outlook on life has allowed men to get away with a lot, prevalent amongst those things is sexual harassment and abuse.

The patriarchy treats the bodies of women in a very peculiar manner – like public property but also a source of shame. Women are told to cover up their bodies to ‘protect’ themselves against harassment, but as proven by the #MosqueMeToo movement, even the most modestly dressed women are at risk of men.

Women are told to watch, to protect, to be chaste, and to shoulder the responsibility of the assault while perpetrators roam free.

The culture of shame

In addition to the constant state of vigilance that women find themselves in, there’s a culture of shame towards sexually harassed and assaulted victims. This is what makes a lot of the incidents they go through unreported. As women are expected to be ‘pure’ and ‘untainted’, harassment is a ‘dirty little secret’ that most of them have been conditioned to keep, believing it’s their fault.

In a society where the family is seen as an entity that needs to be protected as opposed to protecting its members, children often bear the brunt of the shame. Without a preexisting relationship with their parents, children are often scared to bring up the forbidden subject of assault by elders and family members as parents punish them for speaking up. The girl who speaks up is seen as wanting to disrupt the family and air dirty laundry to outsiders. Wondering ‘will they, won’t they’ often leads children to fear and bear the burden of shame.

Adult relationships as a survivor of sexual assault

The effect that sexual assault has on its survivors cannot be over-flogged. It leaves them with a feeling of helplessness that manifests in various ways. These effects range from physical and mental to sexual. In the sexual sense, assault victims often swing on the pendulum of hypersexuality and hyposexuality.

*Amanda has developed an aversion to sex but wields her sex appeal like a weapon. “I know that I have a sexual leash on practically every man I know, so I used that to my advantage; I learnt exactly how to channel it to the right things, I didn't do anything wrong, I just learnt to have full control about how I feel sexually. [Me] not liking men has really contributed to how far I have come in life, professionally and academically. Apart from focusing on me majorly, it has just helped me make the right decisions, you know.”

Her case is not unusual, many assault victims develop mechanisms to cope. Studies show that hypersexuality and hyposexuality may be effects of sexual assault that survivors may use as a distraction from the emotional trauma the assault brought. Although the sexual effects are the most prominent, sexual assault survivors are more likely to abuse and commit suicide.

In their adult relationships, survivors oscillate between hyper-independence and overdependence. Survivors often have the belief that intimacy is dangerous and that loving relationships are a distant dream.

The stigma that follows a sexual assault survivor 

The patriarchy assigns the responsibility of sexual assault to the survivors, and society makes them believe that the violation was elicited by a particular behaviour and therefore was preventable. This makes it harder for survivors to speak up and get justice. The widespread rape myth acceptance means that survivors feel like they ‘deserve’ the assault and shouldn’t speak up about it.

Society is not kind to women who speak out, it’s a play that shows time and time again. Women who speak out are ostracised, mocked and taunted in a bid to silence them.

In *Rabiat’s case, she blames herself for her assault at the hands of a cousin. “I felt small, like nothing. My dad later took us away, and he’s not aware, but I was glad.”

Coping mechanisms

There are many healthy coping mechanisms for survivors of sexual assault and chief amongst those is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with a licensed therapist. Outside that, support from the community and mindful meditation cannot be overemphasised.

Having people who you can lean on and who reinforce the fact that assault will never be the survivors' fault is immeasurable.

As a society, we need to eradicate the stigma and shame that is associated with surviving sexual assault.