I attended a mixed-gender high school in my teenage years. There, I got to experience many things, both good and bad. I believe that it’s those experiences that help shape one into a well functioning adult in a society. I did more observations than just mingling during my time in school. That was how I noticed that the society we were being groomed for, even then, was already flawed.

One major issue that caught my attention was the amount of focus on females’ age in my school. My first observation of this was in one discussion with my classmates. I had asked when they would like to get married, and someone answered, “Probably in my late 20s. By then, I would have started comfortably working as a doctor.” While I was about to nod in agreement with her wise decision to put her career first, another girl laughed out loud.

“You’re currently 16,” the second girl started, “With such a plan, you might get married at 25 or even 30. My dad says that is too old for a woman to get married. You might not even be able to have children by then because you're already almost an old woman.” Others burst into laughter at that comment. In embarrassment, the first girl argued that she was much younger than 16 and would still be able to conceive when she got married. That defence was puzzling to me because she was actually 16 years old. Why was she trying to reduce her age? Years later, after I graduated high school and had gotten older, I discovered the reason behind this; society.  

Time had buried the memory of the incident about the girl in my high school, but it resurfaced with force during my first year at University. Some seemingly unrelated incidents occurred, but I could see the link. Most female freshers in my set wanted to get into a relationship as soon as possible, but only with students in their final year or graduates. In the same vein, it was a trend for people in their finals to go after freshers in pursuit of a romantic relationship. Freshers wanted older students because they were perceived as more mature, while the latter wanted freshers because they were still “fresh.”

I live in Nigeria, a West African country where one can only be classified an adult after reaching 18. Anybody younger than that is considered too young to consent to sexual activities. In a case of sexual assault, as long as the victim is under 18, the accused would almost automatically be pronounced guilty regardless of the circumstances. Because of this law, older students refused to engage with anyone younger than 18. Young students who attained admission early and not up to that age lied that they were 18 or older so that they would be accepted, even though they might not have been emotionally mature enough. Societal acceptance was also why the girl in my high school tried to reduce her age.

To confirm my observation, I spoke to some Black women who disclosed that they had unpleasant experiences because of their age.

Shade, a Black 22-year-old Nigerian woman, narrated how she had constantly been a victim of ageism when she was younger. “I opened an anonymous Facebook page where I wrote stories. People loved my stories, and I got famous. I'd get comments about my smartness and accolades for my brilliant opinions on issues. But from the day I posted my photo and disclosed that I was 18, my followers' behaviour towards me changed. I didn’t understand it.

”Ageism refers to the thoughts and actions towards yourself or others based on age. A perfect example of ageism is in Shade’s story. Her followers respected her opinions, and always showered her with praises on her Facebook page until she disclosed her age. Ageist people believe that a person should be regarded according to their age. For SHADE, some of the posts on her Facebook page started attracting negative comments, unlike before. Also, because society has made some people believe an eighteen-year-old cannot be too smart, she received back-handed compliments for her opinions. 

“The part I hated the most was when people told me I was pretty brilliant for an 18-year-old. It made me feel I made a mistake by revealing my age because they had never said so before, and that made me start feeling small,” shade continued. The society we live in regards women only as capable as their known ages. This is especially true in work environments, as I discovered from my conversation with Rita*, a 23-year-old Nigerian model.

 “Most people make decisions based on their beliefs, whether right or wrong. I knew that was the case when I applied for a modelling gig that specifically required models with my body type. On getting there, I found out from a source that there was an age limit of 21. I was above that. One model who qualified after auditioning got disqualified because she was 22. Seeing that, I knew what would happen if I disclosed my age. When it got to my turn, I said I had just turned 21, which wasn’t true. Guess what? I was among those who got the gig. If I had said my real age, I’m pretty sure that would not have happened.”

My New Home as a Mom: The Beautiful Side of Giving Birth

Rita’s story clearly shows discrimination based on a belief. In other words, “the younger, the better.” This social conditioning puts many women at a disadvantage. Opportunities that should be readily available are denied on the spot because capabilities are wrongly measured according to age, whether false or true. This should not be the case, but unfortunately it is, and it has been observed even in the film industry.

Jamie Dembo, an actress in ‘Orange is The New Black’ shared her experience on Twitter in 2017. At 43, She auditioned to be the wife of a 57-year-old, but wasn’t accepted because she was considered too old. That is discriminatory because fully grown men in the same movie industry can sometimes still be seen playing high-school or university student roles. Why are they not subjected to these age rules?

Although my next interviewee, Shalom, a Nigerian lady, didn’t have any distressing story, she shared that people in her class often treated the younger ones like they weren’t worthy of being included in any group activity. Because of that, she never revealed her age as she was very young, and she was treated fairly without getting discriminated against like others whose ages were public knowledge.

We live in an era where development is constant. Refusing to give women a chance at an opportunity to provide value because of their age is highly retrogressive. It contradicts the growth goals of our society in general and contributes to the reason why many women haven’t achieved their goals.

So many women have to lie about their age to access desired opportunities. In some cases, the truth gets revealed, and they risk losing that opportunity. However, the fact is that society’s perception influences that decision. If a woman can perfectly carry out a job based on her past work experience or expertise, why should her age be a problem? When deeply considered, there is no real reason.

For a society to be considered truly progressive, decision makers in every industry, and people in general, need to unlearn the notion that a woman’s capability is based on her age but rather on her expertise and willingness to provide value.